A Hole Lot of Fun: The Best Bagel Puns to Spread the Cheer

Prepare to get your dough on a roll; today we’re slicing into the world of humor with a topping of wordplay that’s a schmear above the rest.

Whether you’re a fan of the classic everything bagel or you roll with cinnamon-raisin, we knead you to toast to these hole-some jokes.

We promise these bagel puns are perfectly baked to add just the right amount of laughter to your daily grind.

So, let’s not loaf around—dive into this bakery of chuckles, and let’s prove once and for all that humor can indeed be well-rounded—just like our beloved bagel.

Bagel Banter: A Doughy Discourse of One-Liner Puns

1. I’m reading a book on bagels… it’s quite the roll-turning saga.
2. Why did the bagel lose the election? It was the victim of a smear campaign.
3. Bagel yoga class? I hear they’re great at the everything pretzel.
4. If you don’t like bagel jokes, you can just baguette about it.
5. Our love is like a bagel: it’s got no end and is full of cheesy goodness.
6. A bagel flew out of the bakery—clearly, it had the right “dough-verdraft.”
7. Never trust a bagel. They’re always a little lox-ed.
8. Why did the bagel join the police? He wanted to work on a “plain-clothes” beat.
9. Why did the bagel visit the doctor? For a yeast check-up.
10. Bagels at a wedding? Now that’s a union with a twist.
11. Whenever I spread butter on bagels, I feel on a roll.
12. Bagels don’t go to bars, they prefer the ‘doughnut‘ disturb sign.
13. If a bagel was a musician, it would definitely love poppy-seed.
14. Why didn’t the bagel trust the croissant? He had a flakey reputation.
15. Bagels in the sky? It must be the dough-rise.
16. A bagel’s favorite sport? Doughball, naturally.
17. The bagel’s dream vacation? A trip to breada.
18. If a bagel got an award, it would be the Nobel “Yeast” Prize.
19. How does a bagel woo a donut? With flour-y language.
20. When bagels hold a race, it’s always quite a doughlight.

Rolling in Laughter: Bagel Humor Unleashed

1. Did you hear about the bagel that could bench press? It had really strong dough-scles.
2. Why did the bagel apply to NASA? It wanted to be an astro-nut.
3. I saw a bagel perform magic tricks; it was a real “crust-juror.
4. Bagels in art class? They always dough-t their abilities.
5. The bagel wrote a memoir; it’s called “Grains of Truth.”
6. Why don’t secrets stay with bagels? Because they tend to “hole” nothing back.
7. The bagel went to a dance—it brought a poppy-seed as its date.
8. Why was the bagel a savvy investor? It had a lot of dough in the stock market.
9. When a bagel opens a store, it calls it a “bake-r-sell.”
10. A bagel’s favorite philosopher must be “Dough-cartes.”
11. The romantic bagel said to its partner, “You’re the ‘hole’ I’ve been waiting for!”
12. Before launching its business, the bagel said it hoped to “rise to the occasion.”
13. Why did the bagel join the army? It wanted to be a roll model.
14. The bagel refused to play tennis; it said the game was “crumby.”
15. How did the bagel become a rapper? By spitting butter bars.
16. Why did the bagel stop watching the news? Too much current a-fairs.
17. Ever hear about the haughty bagel? It thought it was upper crust.
18. During autumn, the bagels always go to a halloween ‘masque-dough-raid.’
19. A bagel on a safari is always on the look-out for poachers.
20. Why don’t bagels fare well in horror movies? They always seem to get “toasted” in the end.

Hole-y Moly Jokes: Bagel Puns That Hit the Spot

1. This bagel is so good, it deserves a whole wheat-standing ovation.
2. I told my bagel a secret, and it promised not to tell a whole grain.
3. Have you tried the new bagel detective series? It’s a real “everything bagel” of clues.
4. When bagels get bored, they go for a little “everything” and lox around the city.
5. The plain bagel is often overlooked because it’s just not “kneady” enough.
6. A bagel’s favorite game is “Dough, Dough, Goose.
7. The clumsy bagel always goes around breading havoc.
8. Bagels at sea are always on the lookout for “ciabatta-bergs.”
9. The ambitious bagel started a bakery with very “crust-worthy” partners.
10. Bagels love elevator music; it’s always on the rise.
11. The minimalist bagel always enjoyed a good “less is more-grain” philosophy.
12. When a bagel takes up photography, expect a lot of “crop circles.”
13. I started a bagel blog; you could say it’s a “breader’s digest.”
14. The bagel playwright just finished a new drama called “Much A-Dough About Nothing.”
15. I have a bagel who’s a comedian; it really knows how to roll with the punches.
16. The philosophical bagel always pondered if life was just a “roll of the buns.”
17. Ever see a bagel in a library? It goes straight for the “rye-ter’s” section.
18. In bagel chess, the “everything” piece always makes the first move.
19. My bagel baked a cake and won a prize; now it’s on a roll.
20. The undercooked bagel started a band called “The Dough Boys.”

Everything’s Punny: The Whole Bagel Comedy Show

1. The adventurous bagel loves to go on dough-cations.
2. Bagels never sleep, they just take a “breader” rest.
3. A bagel in the gym always spreads itself thin.
4. The conservative bagel prefers a good traditional “roll” model.
5. When bagels go out, they never flake—they’re too well “bread” for that.
6. The musical bagel couldn’t help feeling a little “flattened” when it missed a note.
7. In the winter, bagels like to dough for a sled.
8. Bagels always stick together because that’s “how we roll.”
9. A philosopher-bagel’s favorite conundrum: “To be or not to be a doughnut.”
10. The frustrated bagel got into a “twisty” situation but still came out on top.
11. Bagels love to fly; they always have a “hole” new perspective.
12. The romantic bagel fell in love at first “bite” and cried “dough my heart.”
13. At the movies, bagels prefer films that are a little “knead-y.”
14. A bagel as a lawyer always proves to have a “solid case” of evidence.
15. When bagels play cards, they always hope for a good “roll” of the dice.
16. The vegan bagel always spreads hummus because it’s the “yeast” it could dough.
17. Bagels at a concert always appreciate the “dough-sol-do” of the music.
18. The bagel poet’s verse was full of emotion and “loafing” imagery.
19. Bagels in the ocean become quite the seasoned “sea-dough-ers.”
20. When it comes to fashion, bagels are always on a “roll” with the latest trends.

Doughnut’s Rival: Bagel Puns to Rise and Shine

1. That bagel is quite the charmer, it truly knows how to bagel and schmear.
2. A bagel in the wild west is always known as the good, the wheat, and the crusty.
3. Two bagels passed by a mirror; one said, “That’s a reflection of our inner whole.”
4. Fashionable bagels always wear the finest loafers.
5. On windy days, bagels complain about being blown a-rye.
6. A bagel who turned into a spy was considered “bread-handed” in the line of duty.
7. Bagels hitting the gym are on a quest for the perfect sesame seed-abs.
8. Bagels become philosophers when they ponder the “wheat” of the world.
9. That bagel must be an artist because it drew quite a “spread” of fans.
10. The forgetful bagel could never remember if it was baked or broiled, quite the identity “crisis.”
11. A bagel that left the bakery was said to be rolling out on its own.
12. At poker, a bagel never folds but rises to the bet.
13. Bagels that start bands always have a jam session.
14. The confused bagel always wondered if it was in the mood for sweet or whole “wheat.”
15. Bagels at weddings always toss the rye instead of rice.
16. The paranoid bagel suspected someone had been spreading things behind its back.
17. Mathematician bagels are always calculating the “circum-rolls” of a problem.
18. Bagels at the opera hit the high crust notes with ease.
19. When bagels go to outer space, they’re known to orbit a “black hole.”
20. The melodramatic bagel always feared it would end up toast.

Schmear Joy: Spreading Smiles with Bagel Humor

1. When the bagel went to space, it experienced an “out of this world” taste.
2. The entrepreneurial bagel started its own business—a “bake-up” venture.
3. Bagels at the beach love a good “sand-wich.”
4. The artistic bagel became a sculptor, working with “marble-rye.”
5. You couldn’t trust the magician bagel, it was always pulling lox out of a hat.
6. The pessimistic bagel always saw the “crust” as half empty.
7. Bagels in the finance industry are great at “dough-ver diversification.”
8. The bagel who loved architecture was into “roll-man” columns.
9. Bagels into puns have a pretty good “roll” of thumb for humor.
10. The altruistic bagel always believed in “spreading” the dough.
11. Bagels in Hollywood are great at “dough-ramatic” roles.
12. When it comes to bagel puns, you’ve got to know how to “rye” the wave.
13. Bagels studying the universe have a particular interest in “bread holes.”
14. The rebellious bagel was full of teen “angst-yeast.”
15. The politician bagel always won by a “landslide” in “yeast” versus “west” debates.
16. The bagel that went to school was particularly good at “roll” call.
17. In the kingdom of bread, the bagel always rises to be the “yeast” you expect.
18. That high-flying bagel joined the air force, known as the “sky-ryes.
19. The adventurous bagel was always ready for another “roll” on the seedy side of town.
20. In the digital age, bagels are all about that “baking news feed.”

Cream of the Crop Comedy: Bagel Wordplay Galore

1. A bagel who’s into real estate always sells hole lots.
2. The electrician bagel doesn’t loaf around; it’s always wired.
3. Bagels at a concert love to rock and unroll.
4. The bagel detective got deep into the “crumb” of the matter.
5. The ninja bagel had slick moves and a stealthy “crumbat” technique.
6. At the casino, the bagel always enjoyed a good game of craps.
7. The bagel that became a movie star had plenty of dough action scenes.
8. Bagels in love often end up in a “toasty” relationship.
9. The scholarly bagel went to college for higher “wheating.”
10. When the bagel met the donut, it knew they were a batch made in heaven.
11. The marine bagel always served in the “whole” brigade.
12. The bagel that became a banker was great at “bread”iting loans.
13. Bagels that play golf are always trying to avoid the wheat hazards.
14. When a bagel starts a revolution, it aims to overthrow the current “upper crust.”
15. The altruistic bagel donated to charity because it believed in giving a “piece of the pie.”
16. The magic bagel could disappear in a puff of yeast.
17. The bagel baker was a true “dough-teur” in the field of yeast studies.
18. A bagel that became a superhero went by the name “The Incredible Bulk.”
19. At the bakery Olympics, the bagel won the gold medal in the 100 meter “sprintz.”
20. The gardening bagel had a green thumb and a passion for “flour” culture.

Rise and Joke: Elevating Spirits with Bagel Puns

1. Every morning bagels help each other out because that’s the “kneadful” thing to do.
2. The bagel who became a lawyer always had its case rolling in the dough.
3. At art shows, bagels love to dough-dle around the canvas.
4. The bagel performer stole the show with its poppy-seed dance moves.
5. In the world of bagel sports, the ultimate goal is to achieve a baker’s slam.
6. The bagel pilot always flies on yeast-ern airlines for a smooth ride.
7. Bagels on a road trip just go with the flour and see where they roll.
8. The bagel novelist writes books that are best-sellers by the baker’s dozen.
9. A bagel’s favorite movie is always one that’s been buttered up with good reviews.
10. The bagel who became a DJ was known for its hot and toasty tracks.
11. Expert bagels in the field of geometry focus on angles and arcs, especially the sesame sector.
12. The telepathic bagel always knows what’s baking in your mind.
13. When it snows, bagels love to go doughboarding down the slopes.
14. The romantic bagel always writes its partner love letters with extra cheese and affection.
15. Fitness enthusiast bagels always go for the whole grain workout.
16. When a bagel gets promoted, it’s finally earned its crust in the company.
17. The invisible bagel was always present, but you couldn’t see it behind the steam.
18. Gym-going bagels always ask for a spotter when lifting dough-bells.
19. In the bagel music industry, records are always sliced to perfection.
20. Bagels in the library always love a good story with plots that twist and bread.

Bagelicious Chuckles: A Baker’s Dozen of Laughter

1. The bagel who went into tech always talked about his “everything” interface.
2. You’ll find the athletic bagel at the “whole” game, cheering for a win.
3. Bagels in the magic show are known for their en-“crust”-ing performances.
4. The historian bagel loves to reminisce about the “upper yeast” society.
5. Aspiring bagel poets always hope their verses will rise to the occasion.
6. The astronomer bagel spends nights gazing at the Milky “Whey.”
7. The minimalist bagel lives by the motto: less is more, except in toppings.
8. Anxious bagels never loaf around; they always fear getting sliced next.
9. When bagels hit the gym, they make sure to work on their “gluten” free weights.
10. The bagel actor always plays “roll” models in films.
11. Accountant bagels boast about their skills in handling “dough”-cuments.
12. Bagels at the racetrack always keep their “eyes on the bagel” before they roll.
13. The poet-engineer bagel construct verses with “engineered precision.”
14. When bagels join the army, they’re known to rise up through the crusts.
15. In the spooky season, bagels dress up as ghosts and say, “Boo! Did I scare you, crumb?”
16. During elections, bagels campaign on a platform of equal “spreads” for all.
17. When bagels go surfing, they make sure to catch every “wave” of grain.
18. The bagel who became a host loved putting on “roll” out events.
19. Fashionable bagels always wear their cream cheese in “schmear” elegance.
20. Bagels at the cinema always absorb the plot, no “crumb” left behind.

Toasted Tales: Bagel Puns That Crisp Up Your Day

1. A bagel who’s fond of history is always going on about the hole story.
2. When bagels become lawyers they really know how to roll out the case.
3. Bagels in space are known for their interstellar cream cheese applications.
4. The bagel food critic always has a well-rounded opinion.
5. Philanthropic bagels make sure every spread is for a good cause.
6. Bagels in winter love to get toasty by the fireplace.
7. Marine biologist bagels specialize in studying seagulls and seals.
8. The bagel poet crafts verses that never fall flat.
9. When bagels start a band, it’s always a jam session.
10. Bagels who paint prefer to use a palette of poppy and sesame shades.
11. The entrepreneurial bagel launched a startup focused on hole-in-one golfing aids.
12. Bagel sommeliers can pair any wine with the right choice of bread.
13. The bagel spy is always on a roll in international waters.
14. A bagel’s favorite horror film always has a spooky slice to it.
15. In the vegetable patch, bagels are known to be the social butter-flies.
16. The most enlightened bagels can often be found at dough-jos practicing breaditation.
17. Bagels in finance always advise you to invest your dough wisely.
18. When bagels hit it off at a party, they’re always the life of the loaf.
19. Time-traveling bagels are experts at avoiding temporal toasts.
20. In the art of sandwich-making, bagels always know how to stack up the competition.

Carb Carnival: Rolling in Fun with Bagel Humor

1. When bagels take up teaching, they always make sure every lesson has a hole lot to learn.
2. Bagel aviators are renowned for their smooth, everything-on-board flights.
3. The optimistic bagel never sees itself as half-baked, but rather, half-toasted.
4. Bagels in detective novels always manage to find themselves in a twist.
5. Baker artisan bagels claim their craft is about shaping the dough and the hole truth.
6. The bagel chemist never fears a tough problem; they just find the solution’s kneading point.
7. Fitness buffs among bagels prefer their jogging trails with minimal everything but the run.
8. Bagels in theatre always hope for a role that has a lot of layers to it.
9. Bagel politicians promise a future where every pantry is filled with equal parts bread and opportunity.
10. When bagels take to the stock market, they’re known for their investment in grain futures.
11. The philosophical bagel ponders if life is circular or if it’s just about the circle it runs in.
12. When it comes to classical music, bagels have a penchant for loxophonic symphonies.
13. Bagels in a love story always hold out for that twist of fate.
14. The bagel chef’s mantra is to always sprinkle seasoning with a bit of hole-some humor.
15. Archaeologist bagels are famous for digging up the past, one crumb at a time.
16. When bagels join the parade, they always bring their own brand of circular reasoning.
17. Bagels hosting a tech conference always boast about their latest hole-gorithms.
18. In the vegetable kingdom, bagels are known as the lords of the onion ring.
19. The adventurous bagel always looks forward to their next round of travels.
20. Bagels that go into stand-up comedy hope the audience finds their humor freshly baked.

Bagel Bliss: A Hole Lot of Laughs in Every Bite

1. Bagel diet tip: When you feel empty inside, make sure it’s just the center of the bagel.
2. A bagel’s favorite Beatles song is naturally, “All You Knead is Love.”
3. Why did the bagel lose the election? It just couldn’t win over the “yeast” and “west.”
4. If bagels could talk, they’d have a very “well-rounded” conversation.
5. A bagel walks into a bar and orders a roll on the rocks.
6. Why do bagels make great comedian? They always understand the “rye” side of life.
7. Why don’t secrets stay with bagels? Because they tend to go through the hole.
8. Only a bagel can truly appreciate the circle of life.
9. Why was the bagel afraid of the toaster? Because it might become the “toast” of the town.
10. A bagel’s life philosophy is that it’s what’s on the inside that “counters.”
11. When a sandwich and a bagel collide, the result is always a “hole” lot of trouble.
12. Despite their holes, bagels always look at life as a full circle.
13. Time flies like an arrow. Bagels fly like a circular frisbee.
14. Bagels always wake up on the “rye” side of the bed.
15. Why do bagels love the elevator? Because it gives them a chance to rise up.
16. Why is a bagel the king of the bread kingdom? Because it has the courage to go against the “grain.”
17. Bagels love the weekend because they believe in taking life one “schmear” at a time.
18. Why was the bagel at the gym proud? Because it was working on its “doughs” and abs.
19. A bagel told its buddy, “Doughn’t you know the “hole” world loves a good pun?”
20. For bagels, the idea of infinity is easy – they just look in the mirror.

Bready or Not, Here Come the Puns: Bagel Comedy Extravaganza

1. To a bagel, every meeting is a round table discussion.
2. Bagels don’t play hide and seek; they know there’s nowhere to hide.
3. Did you hear about the bagel that got an ‘O’ for effort?
4. Bagels don’t skydive; they fear the descent might be too crumby.
5. What’s a bagel’s least favorite part of a joke? The punchline hole.
6. How do bagels celebrate their birthdays? They toast to another year.
7. Bagels don’t tell secrets, they’re terrible at keeping them in the circle.
8. When a bagel does stand-up, it’s always in the round.
9. A bagel’s favorite dance move is the twist.
10. Why don’t bagels worry? They know every hole’s a goal.
11. When life gives you bagels, find lox and schmear away.
12. Bagels aren’t pessimistic, they’re just realistic about the filling.
13. In the bakery boxing ring, the bagel always wins by a roll-out.
14. Bagels don’t use doors, they prefer to roll through life unencumbered.
15. What’s a bagel’s life motto? If you’ve got the hole, you’ve got control.
16. Bagels never lock their doors. What’s the point?
17. Why do bagels meditate? To find their inner hole-someness.
18. Bagels don’t sweat the small stuff; crumbs don’t bother them.
19. A bagel’s favorite mystery? The case of the missing dough.
20. Why don’t bagels ever get promoted? They can’t fit in the corner office.

And so, the world of bagels is not just a tale of taste but also a sphere of pun-filled humor.

It’s clear that when life gets doughy, a little bagel wit can be the very slice of laughter we need.

May your days be as full-figured as a bagel and your spirits rise like yeast.